I have had this dream twice, but the way I kill him is different. In the first dream he was trying to kill me with something like scissors or a knife, so I ran until I couldn’t anymore and pulled out a box cutter and slit his throat. I felt completely empty, like I’d just lost all meaning.
I felt so guilty and sad and worried that I’d have to tell his family what happened. In the most recent dream I was trying to get away from him, his weapon is never clear to me but mine always is, with I guess a knife or maybe he was just trying to strangle me. So I got a knife and stabbed him in the head. Again, I felt like I had lost everything. I felt guilty and like I’d never be okay again.
There are several factors that I think could be at work here. *TRIGGER WARNING* I have been raped multiple times which I think could lead to the distrust I feel when he’s trying to kill me because the trauma has made me scared of men in certain situations.
I am also in a long distance relationship with him, we are going to university together so we see each other for most of the year but in summer he is gone for weeks at a time (which he has been both times I’ve had the dream) however, I was raped in my house and that’s also where I always have this nightmare, I don’t have it in my dorm room. The nature of our relationship is healthy, slightly dependent because we don’t know anyone at school but we both have our own friends. He’s never hurt me and tries to help me as I do him.