I was with Ivan (an ex boyfriend i had when i was 16 who i abused drugs with and sold drugs with – it has been 13 years since then and i have cleaned up my life but dabbling here and there for about a year or 2 now) and in the dream we murdered someone. Not sure if we did it or he did it. The person might have been his brother, but the victim was a loner type socially awkward type person.
And then, there were two more bodies and i cannot remember how they got there or who they were. But ivan hid them in the bathroom and told me not to go in there. Walking around the house it had many bedrooms. There was a locked box on top of the dresser in the bedroom that was attached to the bathroom where the bodies were. I searched for the key and found a tiny key but it did not fit. I felt trapped. Like ivan had taken the key with him when he left and i was stuck there with the bodies waiting for him.
Then, i had a beautiful baby boy in my arms with blonde hair. He was almost glowing he was so happy and healthy. I believe he was mine (although i do not have any children) and i had to take care of him. Although the baby was happy i felt very anxious when i looked at him because all i could think of was how i was going to continue hiding the bodies because if i get caught i wont be able to take care of this baby.
I remember thinking through it over and over again: would ppl miss these men? Would someone come looking for them or report them as missing? Who knew they were last here in this house? Etc. I remember feeling alone in this house with the bodies and baby and worried about when ivan would come back. I felt anxious and scared. (Which in real life i think i would feel more anxious thinking about ivan not coming back and leaving me with this mess). I started to smell the dead bodies.
With the baby in my arms i began looking for the key to the box again and this time i found the tiny key tied to another key in a drawer near the bed. When i opened the box i do not remember anything significant being in there…just some papers. Then, i remember being elsewhere with the baby and feeling comfort with him.
You are allowing an old habit or way of life to reenter, a struggle with the flesh. You need to cleanse yourself but the old way of life is preventing you from cleansing, so the flesh problem multiplies. There are many places in your heart you wish to share.
You search for a way to open your heart but do not find it initially, but you continue to search and find an opportunity or answer or authority to deal with the problem, but are disappointed with the seemingly common or lack of appeal in the answer.
All along you’ve been holding a beautiful promise that you wish to properly steward, but know that you cannot if the flesh rules you and wins out.