How to Stop Dreaming About Your Ex – What You Should Know

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Have you ever felt like there was one person from the past who you let slip through the door? The one person you thought was going to be your husband or wife ended up with heartbreak.

Part of being a human being is dealing with relationships, and unfortunately, one of the side effects of relationships is heartbreak.

While our great ancestors used to marry the first person they dated, today’s world is much different. Even when you think you have found the perfect person, sometimes a few months is all it takes for those dreams to get shattered.

With divorce rates the highest they have ever been, more people are experiencing hardships in their love life.

If breaking up isn’t hard enough, sometimes the after effect of a bad breakup is even worse. After all the dust is settled, and you think you have moved on from your ex, then come the dreams about that person.

We’ve all been there before, thinking that life is great and suddenly you have a dream about an ex that you thought you were over.

Noooooooooo……

You thought you were over him or her and suddenly your dream makes you think twice. Do you still love them? Were you meant to be together?

You will find yourself having more questions than answers, which makes matters even worse. Fortunately, you are not alone.

This happens OFTEN.

You are not crazy.

Dreaming about your ex is completely normal, and it doesn’t mean that you are crazy. Most people have had a serious relationship with someone they loved, dream about that person after the breakup.

Just because you dream about your ex, does not mean you should drop what you are doing and contact them, and it doesn’t mean that he or she was the one that got away.

This idea that he or she was the one that got away will drive you crazy. It will keep you looking at your past, instead of looking forward to your future.

Over the years I have experienced countless people asking for help to stop dreaming about an ex. While no guaranteed method will stop you dreaming about your ex, there are some definite things you can do that will make the dreams less torturous than they have to be.

Just because you desperately want to stop seeing your ex in your dream, doesn’t mean that he or she will disappear. Sometimes when we want something to go away, the exact opposite will happen.

It is important to identify the reasons why you are dreaming about that person. Once you have identified why you are likely dreaming about them, you can then determine the solution.

You Feel Lonely Right Now

Sometimes dreams about an ex or lover from our past can indicate that we may be experiencing a time of loneliness in our lives. You might be in a long term relationship that has started to feel stale, or you could be single for an extended period.

When we go through a period of loneliness, our unconscious mind can take us back to a time in our lives when we were happier. Perhaps there was an ex from your past that you were madly in love with, this period could always represent a golden era in your dreams.

Solution: Focus on You

If you are in a period of loneliness right now, you have to find out what is causing the isolation. If you are in an unfilling relationship, maybe you should take a step back and ask yourself if you still want to be in that relationship.

Conversely, if you are single right now, you need to take steps to make yourself a better person. By working on improving yourself, you will gain more confidence and will find someone who is a good match for you.

Be comfortable being single and understand that you are worth gold, and don’t settle for anything less.

You Are Still in Love with Your Ex

Do you find yourself thinking about your ex from time to time? Do you get in a fight with your current lover and start thinking how great your ex used to treat you?

We have all been in situations where we are in love with someone, who doesn’t love us back. When you encounter these situations, it can lead to heartbreak and pain. Nothing is worse than feeling like you are alone in your love.

If you find yourself still in love with your ex, you need to get over yourself. It is important to understand that until you get over your ex, you will not be able to move on from the situation. How do you do this? Learn to accept the fact that you and your ex were not meant to be together.

Solution: Accepting that You are Not Meant to be Together

Easier said than done, right?

The first step in resolving dreams about an ex is to accept the past and to move on from it.

Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to discard all of the love you once had or still have for a person. It just means that you accept the situation and understand that the relationship was never intended for the long term.

Just because you aren’t together now, doesn’t mean you didn’t benefit from the relationship. Sometimes relationships can help two people grow, even if the growth may be apart.

You may have been lying to yourself and saying that it will work out one day, but eventually, you need to come to grips with the situation.

If everyone around you sees the writing on the wall, but you, it may be time to do some soul searching.

Coming to accept the fact that you and your ex will not get back together, is a must in helping you stop dreaming about that person.

You Still Feel Hurt by Your Ex

Perhaps your ex did something to you that hurt you deep down. Maybe they cheated, were verbally or physically abusive, or even made you believe that they were committed to you for the long haul.

Whatever the case, if you have lingering pain towards your ex, it can create a lot of problems that manifest in your dreams.

Solution: Forgive Them

The first step in stopping those horrible dreams about your ex is to accept that fact that your relationship never worked out, and that is ok. If your relationship was meant to be, it would have worked, but it didn’t.

Whether or not it was your fault for the relationship not working out is irrelevant. Whatever happened, already happened. Reliving the past will not solve that.

If your ex treated you poorly or cheated on you, those things can leave lasting scars that can manifest yourself later. Anytime we have resentment or animosity towards someone or something, it will sow seeds of anger and hate, that can linger in our unconscious mind.

You need to take a step back, and ask yourself this important question: Do I have any lingering pain from my last relationship? If you find that you have any resentment towards your ex, you need to address those seeds of doubt head on.

Alternatively, you may feel some guilt for the way that you treated your ex. Maybe you were not a good partner and didn’t treat them well. The guilt of knowing that you were not living up to your standards can also have a lasting impact on us.

Whether you were the one doing the wrong or someone wronged you, the first step you have to take is forgiveness.

Now, I know some of you are thinking, “that my ex doesn’t deserve my forgiveness!”

This may be true, but the forgiveness is not for them, it is for your benefit. Forgiving ourselves and others from our past can have a profound impact on our happiness.

Have you ever met an older person who has a lot of hate in their heart? What did you notice? That person was probably miserable, grumpy, and even looks older than their real age.

Anger and hate are toxic and can cause real physiological problems that manifest in our waking life. Forgiveness is the cure to this poison.

Something Is Reminding Your Of Your Ex

There can often be little things throughout the day that can trigger feelings or even dreams about an ex. For example, if you find yourself stalking your ex on social media from time to time, this is going to influence your unconscious mind.

If you know that you have specific things that trigger feelings about your ex, it is important that you avoid those things. If you follow your ex on social media, unfollow them immediately. But if you want to actually break free from them you need to release them in your mind.

The act of unfollowing or unfriending someone is going to allow you to be free from that link.

This is going to ensure that they don’t keep on popping up out of the blue randomly.  Keep yourself

Embrace Your Dreams…..and Move Forward

Whenever you dream about your ex, take a moment to reflect on the dream and move on. If you spend days lingering about the dream, you will probably find that you start having recurring dreams.

If I told you right now to NOT think about a blue elephant wearing a pink tutu, what do you think your mind is going to do?

You probably imagined a blue elephant wearing a pink tutu, even though I said DO NOT think about it.

Our brains often do the opposite of what we tell it to do. So if I was to tell you NOT to think about your ex, your brain is immediately going to start thinking about your ex. And the harder you try to not think about your ex, your brain is going to think about him or her even more.

So instead of getting all angry and frustrated whenever you dream about your ex, just embrace it. Spend a moment of time and say to yourself, that was interesting, and then move on. Understand that your ex had good qualities and bad ones

Just Give it Time and Move on

While there is no way to eliminate dreams of your ex, time is often the best solution. Right after a breakup you are most likely going to have constant dreams of your ex. They will be fresh on your mind during the day, and you will have a hard time not thinking about them.

As you start moving on with your life and accepting the fact that you are no longer together, you will start having fewer feelings for that person. The longer time passes, the less frequent you will dream of that person.

When you fall in love again, you will suddenly stop thinking of that old person and move forward in your life.

If you are in a period where you are dreaming about your ex, just accept it and move on. Have faith that those dreams will subside and you will be able to proceed to a better place.

What you dream about today, is not going to affect you forever.

Note* If you have any dreams about your ex that are recurring, leave a comment below. Comments are a great way to interact with other dreamers who are dreaming about the same topic. You can interact with others in the comment section to help you find solutions to your problem. 

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About Author

Stephen is a self confessed dream junkie that loves all things dream related. He is a writer for Dream Stop and has been working in the field of dreams for the past decade. He believes that the YOU are the only person who can truly understand the meaning of your dreams. You have to look inside your inner thoughts to find the hidden truths in your dream. These interpretations are for entertainment purposes only. Stephen's interpretations should be considered an opinion, not professional advice.

30 Comments

  1. I’ve recently been broken up with and I dream about her every night. Sometimes I even look forward to the dreams because I know I’ll at least get to see her and talk to her. In the dreams, sometimes I’ll get to be with her in the places we’ve been, have new conversations and old conversations. Sometimes we go somewhere new together and I learn more about her and myself. Other times however, I’m in the dream, and I’m picking her up from the airport or showing up unexpected at her bedroom door, some sort of surprise, and she appears with someone else. The worst dreams are the ones where she has moved on to someone new, and those happen most frequently. It’s difficult to remind myself that the person I now meet in my dreams is not her. Just a collaboration of what I think I know or want to know about her. My subconscious image of her is not the same of her herself, but I still want to see her somehow and so I often allow myself to dream about her, even though the dreams are painful. I don’t think I’ll be able to see why she was so unhappy with our relationship. I’m not entirely sure how to get closure and I want the dreams to end.

  2. i dream about my ex of 4 years at least 3-4 times a week and it has a terrible effect on me, it’s lingers throughout my day and makes me feel like i have this cloud standing over me. i feel so heavy. we’ve been broken up for about a year , i’ve talked to other people and i felt like i was over him but the last few months have been weird and nostalgic. i mostly dream of us getting back together even after how bad he hurt me and sometimes i dream of me having to me cordial with him and the new girl he is with. it’s becoming unbearable. this article is what i needed i think. i hope it helps. good luck to all my dreamers

  3. I do have recurring dreams about my ex who I see as my one and only true love. I think of all the great times we had and how much love we had for each other. It was not a dream relationship but we also had our problems just like any other couple. I myself constantly wish it was me that he married and had children with which I try to block that out of my mind. Dont get me wrong, I am happy for him because everything he has now I cant give him. I always wonder if he thinks about me as well. Right now I am in a relationship that I feel I am tired of. I no longer have feelings for my spouse like I did before due to my spouse repeatly cheated on me and always says the alcohol made me do it. What a crock! I love my spouse but am not in love anymore. Since all the cheating, I have no trust. I want out!!!!!!

  4. I wonder why my ex appears in my dream last night.
    i never think about him anyway, he said ” My son now is already 4 years old, same as your birth month”

  5. She comes into my dreams every night for the last 2 months. Even during daytime naps. They are usually about us being back together, but the worst ones are when I see her with someone else in the dream. I’m trying hard to move on, hanging out with old friends and trying to keep my mind busy, but she still comes back when I sleep. Things ended on a mutual agreement that we had lost the spark, and I think now I have had time to realize what I was giving up. I just want to be completely free of her.

    • I have the same dreams about my ex fiancee. The dreams WILL NOT STOP. Then when I wake up from them I am miserable and upset all day. I hope you feel better soon

  6. I hate my ex to the bottom of my core.
    Everyone I have about him is basically me trying to escape the relationship or him turning into someone I like.
    He was a psychically abusive jerk and I don’t want to have anything else to do with him.
    The relationship is over because I ended it and I was done with him.
    None of these descriptions help me. Forgive him? I’ve tried but honestly I can’t because he was such a jerk and I feel bad for every girl he encounter.

  7. I’ve been dreaming about my ex husband lately. But it’s not my ex personality wise. It’s him doing all the things I wanted him to do. Him talking to me the way I deserved to be talked to. Him loving me they way I should have been loved. So it’s a dream of him physically but personality wise and emotionally wise, Idk who that was but it was not him. He is not a loving person, he doesn’t talk to listen he yells to “win”. I feel like the dream reminded me of the person he was not. And why we are not together. Sure I love him we have two girls together. He’s always going to be around but the damage is done and I deserve to be treated better.

  8. I visited my ex girlfriends house, I had been with her about 31/2 years and help raised her boy in that time got close to him.. I don\’ speak to them really anymore, it\’ been close to 3 years since we broke up. She\’s moved on has a bf and is pregnant.. today I dreamt that I visited her not sure for what what. Her bf wasn\’t there, I had Sandles on and sat on the couch to put my work boots on, as I put them on heard a noise I believe it was her bf showing up, so I went to the restroom. I forgot the Sandles in ront of the couch. I\’m in the restroom I can see onto the room and her lil boy that\’ 8 is laying down watching cartoons covered with his blanket not sure if it was yellow or red.. I hear the bf walking out, so I went out to say hi to the boy. He sees me looks happy to see me he uncovers him self and gets up to hug me. I felt happy to see him, had a feeling of love and joy like wanting to play with him take him out to the movies or park. Well I ask how was he? He asked simultaneously if I was gonna stay a while, Before I got to answer him, I heard his mom in the hall looking at us, then came in to get me, gave my Sandles and said here he left but leave before he comes back. I said ok said by to the kid as I\’m walking out the front door and her behind me she grabs my hand softly and entwined her fingers with mine felt warm and loving, but confusing. But I liked it and missed it so I let it happen. She says she will walk me to my car. As were walking she says “see I was always the one, what happened.?”..  I looked at her gave a her look like idk it was you.. the she chuckled and said, \”I know idk why I wouldn’t let you in”… but it was a very calm and understanding mood.. then I woke up..

  9. I dream about my ex husband we were together 25yrs he cheated and left me for a older woman with no kids and left me n our grown up kids i used to dream when he was with me that i couldnt find him and that hed left me for someone else ..thats exactly what happened now i dream hes coming back and leaving her for me i dont.want him he broke my heart and did terrible things took everything from me including my home i shared with our daughter im single now have been for 6 years hes never told me why he left and wont even speak to me he blaims me yet i did nothing wrong but love him he was my world he looks old and haggared and her shes a ugly old woman yes im bitter she took my life and ive to start again and at my age its difficult but im 100%better looking than her and it kills me why he wants her and not me.i know i need to forget and move on its just hard when you have kids and memories for 25 years and more my life is lonely just work work and work i have debts thanx to him i have no money from my inherritance he spent that ive lost so much i do believe in karma i just cant wait for it to come i just need to stop these dreams ……

    • I just read your post Susan and your life sounded like what happened to me my Husband of 23yrs .Cheated for 16 of these yrs. She lived not far from us. And when I saw her she wasn’t a nice looking lady either but making a long story short ,I stayed long as I could inspire of but soon left our home which I wished I would have kept now. After leaving My husband still helped me with my finances but No money could buy back our marriage Relationship he ruined,But I don’t know about karma Susan but I do know God and when someone do you wrong they will reap what they Sowed for doing wrong, My Exhusband met death ,Dealing with that Lady she was sending him to another city to get liquor he had stopped drinking but I guess he couldn’t help his self with how the lady was known as Evil ,That day He was hit head on in a Car accident someone hit hIm In 2009 He was a good man until he met her I found out later she was. His sons girlfriend mother The son who always tried to break us up Now he lost his Dad ,I really miss him :God is Keeping me ,So Susan If your Husband has left that other Woman and asked you to forgive him I Pray you will, don’t wait because anything can happen,don’t wish for Karma to happen, He’s hurting Already ;So forgive it want be the same like at First before he cheated but Eventually your life together again will be cherished moments. I hope this help Be Blessed.

    • I totally sympathize with you. I’ve been single foryounger woman. (Tell me that doesnt mess with your self esteem). I was in a relationship for 13 years too long but struggled to get out of it because of the financial abuse and mental, physical and emotional. I keep having dreams about him and can’t stand it and wish there was some way to stop the dreams. I think if I found someone new that would help. But like you said with the karma thing if i just can witness him having to pay back karma for being so dishonest and disrespectful then i feel my life would be complete.

    • I totally sympathize with you! I too have been single for the past 6 years. I was replaced by a younger and skinnier woman that was a convict and drug addict. (tell me that doesn’t mess with your self esteem). I was in a relationship for 13 years too long but struggled to get out of it because of the financial abuse and mental, physical and emotional. I keep having dreams about him and can’t stand it and wish there was some way to stop the dreams. I think if I found someone new that would help. But like you said with the karma thing if i just can witness him having to pay back karma for being so dishonest and disrespectful then i feel my life would be complete.

  10. I hope [email protected] yahoo. com will help you get your lover back, he helped me get my boyfriend back : ) thank you for helping me !Thanks for everything! everything worked!
    Catherine

  11. I’ve been divorced almost 2 years now and I’ve had dreams about him. They are ok but they need to stop. We got divorced because he did something and it was illegal and hurt me.

  12. I dream about a boy who introduced my friend and i dont know what happening to me i feel a very strong connection to him. We talk many things about him and about me all those staff has a great impact to me.we love our company. I like him all the way it seems i feel i meet my the one.. i love the way he treated me like a lady. And we have a great sex that i cant forget untill now its been a year.But that next day i ask him that i like to know.his family but he showed his son and im so.shocke i dont know what to say.. and just pretend ohh really your baby is look like you.. but he is single..he broke up his ex.. my world becomes drowningi cant believe i dont know. And some insecurities follow my mind what if he left me. After that i treat him like i dont like him like im pushing him away i say some not good words and its over. But i still have feelings with him i cant believe i fall inlove in just one day.. ive seen that his like my ex.. i feel the supper strong connection with him. Hes gone one day he just blocked me . He doest answer my phone call.. i got that heart break.. after how many months i know it that he has a girlfriend. And i say its time to look for some who will love me.. i date some many guys and some of them i dated his cousin. And accept the truth that maybe were not meant to be. After i have dated some boys.. still have a relationship its the same you feel happy sad hurt its like a routine. But i dont know sometimes i dream that hoping we will meet again. I have a day dreaming and a night dream. Should i forget abt him or just do nothing.. i still like the way he was my bf ? In just 3 days. I hope he will meet his the one.

  13. I have been in a relationship for 4 years now, but I always dream about my ex-wife. I was with my ex-wife for almost 14 years and the relationship ended badly. I did not want the divorce, but I had to let her go because it was what she wanted. She had very good reason not to hold on any longer, though I felt we could’ve worked it out. She left 7 years ago and it took me at least 3-4 years to somewhat get over everything. In my new relationship, I have never had so much love or had been loved so much. This newest love has been the best partner in my opinion, but I keep dreaming about my ex. I’ve had dreams earlier on before I found my new love. In the fisrt dream, my ex and I slept together and I thought we were back together. She left the bed room and walked into the kitchen. I was soon to follow and her new husband was sitting on the couch and confronted me on being there. I told that I was there with her and she denied it. In the next dream, we got back together and I remember regretting that we did and I was sad. Most of the dreams afterwards had us just being back together and I am truly happy in the dream that we are. I would wake up many mornings (before I met my now soon to be wife) feeling sad that it was just a dream. Now after years have past I will dream that the women I am changes into my ex. I am truly in love with my the woman I’m with, but it confuses me on why my ex keeps taking over my dreams. At times it had has become natural that my ex is my wife again in my dreams and I need this to stop. I have a much better relationship with the woman I’m with now. I have never felt so much love before from anyone. This has made me a much better person. I want to completely move forward and it pains me that I can’t discuss this with my future queen.

    • Im in somewhat of the same dilemma slightly different but close enough and I wonder if owning up to my dreams and feelings to my wife will help me move on or just make the dreams worse not to mention the possible destruction of my marriage. I don’t know what to do

  14. I wake up crying. I often dream of him with a girl at work he’s attracted to (he said so). They often exchange gifts in RL. I dream of finding gifts he’s been hiding. Them having sex. Him being in different to my pain.
    He says there’s nothing there between them, and while they may be true I know he can’t make promises like that anymore to me anymore, so I’m often insecure and unreassured. He doesn’t want a relationship, isn’t in love with me anymore, he’s not closed off to having sex with others, and he’s having it with me…. It’s a mess maybe. One time he did buy her a gift and didn’t tell me, I found out. It hurt. It all does.
    I left this ex 2 years ago, and a year ago we got back in touch. We live together again. It hasn’t been the most healing. I’ve been insecure and it makes me unsupportive. In the past there was emotional abuse on both ends, emotional manipulation on his, and unfaithfulness in mine. He says he wasn’t a healthy person back then and doesn’t want to be in relationships because of it.
    I’m so stressed by all these circumstances, I have reoccurring dreams of him, especially with her. I don’t know what to think it do.

  15. I dream about former loves often. I want to stop dreaming of my first love the most. It makes me think of him again, and it’s pointless. He is married now and I am happy that I didn’t end up with him. This guy, I loved him on and off for 7 years. He never loved me back, we never dated. We eventually hooked up a couple times. That’s it. One other former love interest I dream about is probably because I want to make amends with him. I believe that I dream about my first love because I want love in my life again, I’ve been lonely in my new city for the past 2.5 years, and I frequently desire the simpler times in life. Why can’t I just have reciprocated love in real life and not have to dream about it because I’m sick of seeing my first love?! Ugh!

  16. I dream about my ex every night. We broke up over a year ago, we were clearly not meant to be together. The best thing for both of us was to stop every form of contact but now that we’ve done that I literally can’t stop thinking about him and as result I dream about him every night. I want nothing more than to forget about him because thinking about him and how unhealthy he was just constantly hurts me even after I accepted he wasn’t good for me. Idk what to do

  17. Hi, It’s being nearly 2 years since I left my ex but yet I’m still dreaming about him. I accepted the fact that I sabotaged our relationship by being paranoid and using that to break the relationship but I still have dreams about him.. I don’t think about him hardly at all most days now but as soon as I fall asleep he’s there waiting. It’s starting to destroy me as when I was with him I lost everything and everyone for him and now I’m still alone 2 years after. When I feel like I couldn’t be anymore alone he’s there in my dreams waiting. I haven’t seen or heard from him in 2 years, blocked his number and all social media accounts he had but still feel like he follows me to make sure I feel alone and depressed… It’s just not going away!

  18. I always dream about my ex-husband. I loved him so much and he was so blind to it. He did things that were psychological, emotional and physically hurtful. I often felt abandoned and unloved. I will always love him and it kills me that our marriage had to end.

    • Chris Marchant on

      Question for you let’s say he loved you so deeply inside didn’t want those things to happen or even the split would you have stayed? Even went back if things turned around and got better??

  19. I can’t shake a woman, who I thought was meant to be. The dreams are always happy, like I felt when she was near. Anything is possible from this page, but I wish the torture of someone who is long since buried would just go away.

  20. I have to leave a comment bc I have no one else to tell. Haven’t been with my ex gf in over 5 years and we are friends. Currently married but constantly having dreams about my ex. It’s usually some sort of party or event where we are talking about getting together and yes it gives me butterflies. I’m hoping it represents a simpler time in my younger years but man I feel so guilty about how happy I am during these dreams. I never really felt those excited love butterflies for my wife but that’s because I’m older and that doesn’t happen anymore. Then I have these dreams and spend the morning thinking about how happy I was talking to her and how it made me feel. This is insane it’s been years! She’s newly married now and I just had kids; it’s not even a real thought to be with her yet my subconscious constantly goes there in my dreams. It’s annoying

    • Marysol Garcia on

      I have the same exact dream. I’ve been married for 4 yrs. and split from my ex over 10 yrs! I’ve dreamed of him then and I dream about him now. The only difference is where I am in life I truly believe that I still has unresolved feelings for him during the first few years after our split but I’ve been with my partner since we got married and have a kid I absolutely love my husband so you would think my dreams with my ex would subside but here I am, feeling guilty just like you because I do seem to be happier in my dream with my ex I wake up craving that happiness even and thinking it’s him I miss but really it’s the state of mind I miss. We’ve been so busy it’s been hard to make time for ourselves and be selfish since we have our daughter and work etc. to put First now so happiness is a feeling that I don’t get often from my partner my daughter makes me happy every thing she does it just fulfills me but my husband it’s like we are to old and serious to even crack a joke when back with my ex we were just so young and free laughing for no reason was all we did. I definitely miss that but I’ve realized it’s not him because he’s obviously an ex for a reason but it’s the happiness I am lacking in my current relationship. He makes me happy but we hardly even get to see each other because of work etc. When we do our daughter is priority and our relationship is just there.. I will have to talk to my spouse and see how we can rekindle our relationship be more spontaneous just like I was in my youth hoe that makes me happier again and hope to stop dreaaming of my ex. Reading all this made me feel a bit less guilty bacause i feel there was a reason for the dream not meaning I miss him cause I truly don’t but the state of mind he made me feel. Well wish you luck in figuring your self out know it’s not you it’s your subconscious telling you something possibly completely different not that your only capable of feeling that happiness with that ex but maybe “hey remember how happy you were…” happiness is posible so find it and be happy with you current relationship! Young or old happiness is a state of mind and it’s possible it’s all up to you!

  21. Tonight I had another one with him…
    We were…in another..house…and
    Someone was bothering us…
    A neighbour s child was annoying us

    Again my cat was in my dream….

  22. Yes I do dream about our house….and he keeps telling me he left his current wife
    So bizarre

    I keep getting these dreams…in the house

    Also I dream of my beloved pet..Randy that lived there…and is dead now.

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