11 Reasons Why Your Ex Might Show Up In Your Dreams

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Have you ever had your ex show up in a dream, while you were in a happy and committed relationship? Whether you are single or in a relationship, an ex can make their way back into your dreams whether you want to see them or not.

Dreams about an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend can be extremely emotional. All those feelings that you once had for that person can come flooding right back into your life from out of nowhere. In the matter of a nights sleep, your mind can become completely consumed by someone you thought was out of your life.

Related Dream: Dreaming about an Ex-Lover

Have you ever wondered why an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend might show up in your dream? Here are 11 reasons why your ex might start appearing in your dreams.

#1. You Still Have Feelings for Your Ex

No matter what you do, you still have feelings for your ex.

Let’s get the obvious answer out of the way. The most common reason why people dream about an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/lover/husband/wife is that they still have feelings for that person. Whether or not you are the one who ended the relationship is irrelevant, you can still have feelings for someone after being separated for a while.

If you still think about your ex from time to time, this is just inviting your ex to show up in your dreams. Just because you have feelings for your ex, doesn’t mean that you guys are still supposed to be together. Put yourself back in your state of mind when you broke up, and you will probably realize why you are not together right now.

#2. You Never Received Closure In Your Relationship

Lack of closure can leave you wondering, “What if…”

Getting dumped sucks. Not only does it leave you feeling used, but it also leaves a hole in the middle of your heart. A lack of closure in a relationship can often leave you thinking, “what if things would have worked out different….”

Lack of closure can lead to an ex being stuck in your mind, making it difficult to move on. Whether it is six months or 10 years later, the emotions you experience are all the same. When we have those unanswered questions in our mind, sometimes our subconscious mind will try and find closure inside of a dream.

#3. You Are Fighting A lot With Your Current Partner

Do you remember the time when things were a lot easier? Your old boyfriend never used to piss you off as the current one does? Fighting a lot with a current lover will cause you to think about how great your ex-was. Being angry at someone is a great excuse to start thinking about how great your life used to be with your ex.

The grass is always greener on the other side, especially when you are past the honey moon phase of a relationship. While you might think about your ex when you fight, you will snap out of it when you start cooling off and realize how bad your ex was.

#4. You Have Been Stalking Your Ex On Social Media

Have you ever stalked your ex on social media?

If your ex shows up on your Facebook feed, there is always the temptation to click on their profile and see what they are up to. The temptation to stalk an ex is always present, especially if we had feelings for that person. You might be wondering if they were better of with you or without you.

Does your ex look better now? Do they appear like an upgraded version of themselves or have they let everything go. If they look like a 2.0 version of themselves, don’t be surprised if they make their way into your dreams and try to torment you.

#5. You May Feel Unsatisfied In Your Current Relationship/Love Situation

Some days you feel empty inside

If you are currently single or feel unsatisfied in your current relationship, your subconscious mind will be looking to fill the loneliness with someone or something that gave you comfort in the past. Even if you would never go back to your ex, it won’t stop your sub conscious of cooking up dream scenarios that you cause you to panic when you awake.

Whenever we are unhappy in our life, sometimes our subconscious mind will show us a time when things were easier. This dream might be telling you that you need to start making some positive changes in your life that will make you happier and more fulfilled.

#6. You Miss That Particular Time In Your Life

You miss that feeling of adventure in your life

As we get older and grow more mature, we will find that life starts to catch up to us. When you are young, everything seems so carefree and relaxed. You only really appreciate the freedom you have once it is taken away from you.

After you start to enter the work force and get a career, everything will start to slow down. You will no longer be able to do the things that you want to do because you will have a family and career to think about. Even though you might be with the perfect partner who is loving and supportive, you may still miss that stress-free period of your life. Sometimes life just happens….

7. You Miss Characteristics that Your Ex Had

Your ex had quite a personality

Even though you have moved on from your ex, there may be specific traits that your ex possessed that you have never been able to replace. Nobody is perfect. While the idea that the ideal man and woman exists, the reality is everyone has specific traits that their partner will love and some that they will not like.

Your ex may have been extremely sensitive and emotional, something that your current partner doesn’t have. Your sub conscious may be telling you that there are specific characteristics that you are missing in your life.

#8. Your Ex Recently Contacted You (Or At Least Tried To)

That moment when your ex tries to talk to you…

You may be in a perfectly happy relationship with the love of your life and suddenly, out of the blue, your ex contacts you. “Hey _____, I wanted to know how you are doing….I miss you.”

Why did your ex contact you? Probably because they are single right now (or unhappy themselves) and are looking to stir up the pot in other relationships.

An ex who contacts you out of the blue, is likely going to show up in your dreams because your mind will be racing with a million questions like, “Does this person still like me? Why are they contacting me? I don’t love him anymore?!” These are all issues that will cause them to enter your dreams at night.

#9. You Are Thinking About Working Things Out With Your Ex

You are thinking about getting back together, but it probably isn’t a good idea

Have you ever contemplated trying to work things out with an Ex that you know is not right for you? Even when all of the signs are saying NO, people tend to follow their heart, regardless of what your mind is telling you. (Following your heart is another word for making the wrong decision)

If you are thinking about working it out with your ex, don’t be surprised if you have a dream about your ex. Your subconscious mind may send you a warning dream about your ex, or you might have a wish fulfillment dream. If you do get back with your ex, be prepared for the same roller coaster ride that you left.

#10. You Decided To Take a Walk Down Memory Lane

Stop thinking about the past!

Often our subconscious mind will dream about things that are completely bizarre and unrelated to any events in our life. Your mind can bring back old memories from periods in your life when things were easier and less stressful.

If you REALLY loved someone in your past, that person can leave an imprint in your mind that’s hard to go away. All of those memories that you had with your loved one are going to be ingrained in your sub conscious mind. Sometimes our subconscious will show us parts of our past, which may include an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend.

#11. You Saw A Photo Of Your Ex on Facebook

Your ex just popped up on your Facebook feed.

It always comes down to Facebook. Social media is great for keeping in contact with our friends and family, but that is often a double edged sword. Given the number of related friends you will have on Facebook, breaking up with someone often means you will still see your ex when they are tagged in pictures with your friends.

Even if you have permanently deleted your ex on Facebook (you probably should), you are still likely to see that person tagged in photos with familiar friends. The moment you see their picture on Facebook, you will immediately start thinking about them and have some of your old memories come back to you.

How to Stop Dreaming About An Ex

#1. Remove Your Ex From Social Media, including Facebook

The longer you keep your ex on your Facebook feed, the more you will see new pictures of them. This will only reinforce the old memories that you had together. If you want to stop dreaming about your ex you need to get rid of them on your social media. (If you have no feelings and don’t dream about your ex, then, by all means, keep them as friends.)

#2. Accept That You Were Not Meant To Be Together

The worst thing you can ever do after you break up with someone is holding on to hope that you will get back together. It is important to accept that the relationship is over and you need to move on. Holding on to old hope and feelings can play havoc with your sub conscious mind. When you learn to accept your past and move on to the future, you will start to see things from a different perspective.

#3. Give it some Time

The old saying that time heals all is not true, but it does help us forget some of our past. The longer you spend out of a relationship, the less you will think about that person. If you are dreaming about an ex, date a few more people and eventually, that person will stop appearing in your dreams.

#4. Brush It Off (Don’t Dwell on It)

The worst thing you can do if you have a dream about an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend is to get caught up in the dream. The best way to stop dreaming about an ex is to accept the dream and move on. Don’t wake up and dwell on your dream for a long time.

If you focus too much on your dream it can cause recurring dreams about your ex. This will then cause a lot of heartaches as you wonder what you should do. Remember that dreaming about an ex is a highly common dream. Everyone who has been in a serious relationship will dream about that person at some point in their life.

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About Author

Laura is a contributor to Dream Stop. She is someone who has a sense of humors and likes to share that humor with her readers. She loves trying to find the hidden meanings in dreams, no matter how complex or simple they are. In her spare time she enjoys doing yoga and meditation.

72 Comments

  1. I competently agree with the author of this article. First hand experience and can relate to most of facts in my last relationship. It was complex since beginning but the most hurtful part was the way, reasons used to end the relationship. B, you keep coming in my dreams almost every other day. You will understand what you did to me when someone you love so much does same to you. But, I wish you never have to face such heartache.

  2. last night i had this wierd dream. so a month ago me and a guy i loved broke up i fell in love with the genuine him .I kept on hopng he would let the guy i fell in love with come to the surface he was everything to me i did everything for him i fought with my whole family but it didnt feel right cause he was being dominant and possesive and the words he said were not matching with his actions he had a way of getting me to do what he wants he wants to go out i say i cant cause my parents dont appove and i had a side feelig that i wasnt doing the right thing by choosing him i was at my lowest point some way or another he would find ways to make me reconsider just as he wants.Now there is this guy lets name him jacob i dont have as much attraction to him as i have to the other guy but this nigt i dreamt that i saw the other guy sitting and all but what was off was that this guy had jacob’s personality and i kissed the guy i loved on the cheek but it felt like i was doing that because he had jacob’s personality can someone shed some light on this situation i wish to know what the dream meant

  3. You are or are not meant to be with your ex is one of the most popular, but false notions about love. It is also a great way to avoid responsibility for breaking up, or worse, divorcing what God has joined together.

  4. Joey's alone on

    I keep having dreams about my high-school sweetheart. A flood of every loving positive feeling I’ve ever had about her hits me all at once. I wake up crying my eyes out unable to stop. We broke up just after high-school. Long story short I wasn’t the best boyfriend. I didn’t understand what having a life partner meant at that naive period of my life.now I’m 25 and still dreaming about her. For years I thought I was totally over her. We would even occasionally meet for lunch just to catch up. It’s now been over two years with no contact and she has a boyfriend of two years. Most days I dont even think about her. Then bam I have a dream about me trying to talk to her in my dream and her just shutting me out. I’ve been told I cry in my sleep excessively. And I wake up unable to stop crying. WTF! This affects me more than I ever thought a dream could. I feel like I just want her back and want to be the perfect man to her that I wasn’t back in highschool which ended our relationship. This is hard. Especially since I haven’t dated since. We broke up when I was 18 and I’m 25 now…..why is this happening all the sudden.

    • Dreamdollittle on

      It could be lots of things, including that you aren’t over her, love her and she’s the one for you.
      Try these other possibilities on before you start writing your “to me you are percect,” love actually cardboard signs.
      There are some other important things going on in there drrams that I would place higher importance on. Her being the subject of the dream may even be secondary.
      Dreaming your trying to talk to someone who ignores you is very stressful.
      You may be feeling very unheard or unnoticed in other areas of your life.
      She may be the subject of being ignored because she ignored your feelings frequently.
      She may have been very attentive, the last person who truly listened. You may be feeling guilt over not listening to her or not giving her honest words to listen to. The frustration turning to real life tears could mean that your focusing your examination on her in order to completely ignored the real issue, not paying attention to not being paid attention to.
      As the article says, she may represent the last time you were happy, carefree or unburdened by responsibility. Especially as you’ve been single since and the world encourages fulfilment through connection. You may believe you’d regain these freedoms if you reconnected with her.
      There are reasons you weren’t a good boyfriend initially. It could be that you’ve changed and understand the reason for those things and your brains version of “levelling up” is to reflect on the past challenge or experience you learnt from or are currently struggling with, if intact you haven’t changed.
      It’s okay to mature and its okay to feel guilty about a previous state of immaturity, without telling those you hurt or let down that you’ve changed or that you are sorry or having a second chance to get it right. Even if they remind you of your failure they don’t need to be reminded and resolved. This girl learnt things about herself during the process of the relationship and breakup she doesn’t necessarily need to learn things from you or see your imperfections resolved.

      Let’s put this in practical terms. For now she’s partnered up, she may be unhappy and better off with you but that conclusion is for her to draw.
      In the mean time try on these other options, grasp them and believe them and see if they hold water. Drawing her out of her happy life into a mess that wasn’t really about her and bringing her back into a situation with an immature person that doesn’t want her really and hasn’t grown from their error really will wake you in the night screaming.

      Secondly don’t forget why you broke up. If you really were a bad boyfriend perhaps she doesn’t deserve to ever go back to feeling as worthless as we can only imagine she felt.
      If you weren’t a bad boyfriend in mature terms then perhaps her standard is unreachable, her princess syndrome too hard to tame.
      Once you’ve ruled out the above, picture yourself with her. What about it makes you happy? What is it that makes you want her? Her beauty will fade, the novelty of high school rekindling will ware off and there will be times you can’t bang her tits off.
      If it’s not her essential personality her real truth and the fabric of her being that living without brings you to tears, then take it as what it likely is. A happier time, a missed opportunity and a bundle of regrets you can’t undo. Whatever you did when she was yours it won’t hurt her as badly as rekindling a relationship when she’s not yours.
      Either way, It’s a long time without a relationship, you deserve some of the happiness she appears to have. Try finding it elsewhere first. She is the only representation of romance you have, you may be clinging to it, afraid it will fade. I’d see if something fresh can replace the stagnant well of memories that can’t currently be topped up or refreshed.

    • I’ve been broken up with my ex since high school as well and even though I’m in a new relationship I still face the same hardships you described. A couple months ago was the most recent time I cried after waking up from a dream about my ex and then again this morning I had a dream about him but not tears. I want it to stop but at the same time I don’t, I kind of want to savor that feeling and then I look next to me and feel terrible because my current boyfriend is there. I then get myself wondering though. Why would I still have these dreams? And honestly I think it’s because I never got closure. Maybe you need closure too?

    • Isaac Lahey on

      You just happen to miss that time of your life, brother. That feeling of youthful exuberance, the spark in everyone’s heart, the carefree/wildly independent lifrstyle. Of course you ARE over your ex like I am too but the reason you saw her in your dream is because maybe that time over all was a better period for you than the present. That is the case for me. I’ve lost a lot in life and i have nothing as of now that makes me wake up in the morning looking forward to the day, compared to a time where i was basically a superstar of my school, neighborhood, and basically my city. It’s alright if she came in your dream, it was just your mind’s botched up attempt to make you feel better by diving down the memory lane. Brush it off and live your life. If it still doesn’t work, try writing notes about why you saw her in a dream and how it doesn’t mean shit, and burn them later on. Much love and strength

  5. I just had a dream this morning that I bumped into my ex boyfriend and apparently I was having a hard time seeing (vision was blurry) things so he helped me onto the train and we both traveled somewhere. I saw my aunt that I do not really associate with being happy with a baby. And then I saw my grandpa smiling and spending time with her (which is her daughter) along with my parents. But anyway, the main parts that I remember clearly is that me and my ex were having a good time and we ended up holding hands and I did experience all the feelings I had for him at one point again but knew in the dream that I was in a relationship. I think me and my ex even kissed too. Not too sure about that part. But at the end of the dream apparently my parents had tried to contact me to let me know that my current boyfriend is there and is going to meet me. I bump into my current boyfriend with my ex while holding hands with him and my current boyfriend looked super pissed. And he quickly grabbed my wrist and tried to walk me away from everyone so we could talk but then I woke up there and didn’t get to see what happens because it was 9:30 and I had to go walk to class from my car. I wish I had more time to sleep lol.

  6. Whoever wrote this article is completely UNAWARE of what’s going on in this life and knows NOTHING…absolutely NOTHING about dreams.
    Keep posting nonsense just to make money.

    • Chelsea Nolan on

      You are clueless. Explain why the writer knows nothing. You are absolutely zero sense by this rediculous and unnecessary claim, especially when you don’t even include WHY and WHAT aspects are “wrong” .. until you grow you and get a grip, you just look foolish and someone in need of putting others down, classic.

      I liked this article. Thank you to the author for writing this

  7. I've moved on in life on

    I had a dream this morning it was weird, in my dream my ex girl who i broke up with and lost contact since two years ago, came over too my house too pick me up, i was in shock and she also told me she was sleeping around with random dudes. I don’t know what too make of it im married now, and i have everything i ever wanted in life im happy .

  8. i had a dream last night that my ex called to see how i was doing and how things were going in my relationship. My boyfriend now walked in and asked, who i was talking to and I said, the kids father. He blew up and yelled at me said, it was over. He stormed out threw a rock at the door window and broke it. I tried to explain to him what my ex was asking and he did not want to hear what I had to say. I burst in to tears and woke up.

  9. i keep dreaming about my ex but i am happily married, this guy did not love me back. he had a lot of girlfriends ts’y i ended things with him. what to do to stop him from appearing in my drims……

    • I had a dream that i was rich and my baby daddy came to my church to apologize to me and he want to be in our life
      And seeing him i cried and i hate him more for missing alot in our sons life.

  10. I had a dream about my ex this morning, I don’t think about him. I have seen pictures of him several months ago. His name is K.V and I am P. I just hope him and his family is well . I would contact him but i do not want to mess his current marriage. So I will just leave it alone. Hope all is well K.V

  11. I dreamtj abt my ex ( 7yrs ago relationship). Her current gf had an abortion, because she cant be pregnant because of her religion. Then my ex showed up, saying despite of his situation he’s begging me to accept him back. And I was actually in the church at his childs funeral. Idont know. I really dont understand.

  12. I keep dreaming of my ex.. we were together for more than 6 years.. and he left me when i was in my 30s and married another girl 3 months later on my birthday.. i keep thinking of how people change after they have separated and all those talks of “i don’t want to hurt you” goes down the drain..

  13. I keep thinking then dreaming about my ex.. I thought I was stronger than this I never wanted to break up but just remembering hearing him tell me “I’ve lost interest in you but I still care about you” hurts because I love him with all my heart he’s the 1st man I let into my life. Its weird sometimes I think I’m living a nightmare . Sometimes I want to reach out just hear his voice then I am like “No! You are not needy and a stalker”. Well, I am trying to move on to find a better man I will settle down with. I just feel like I didn’t get closure with the break up like it was meaningless.. anyways life goes on..

    • aw girl i feel you im in the same situation please get better idk what to say im sorry but i feel you 🙁 much love. One day you will find a man that is even better than the one you had till now and you will love him more.

    • Not to worry you will find someone who will appreciate what you have to offer. It just wasn’t ment to be. Don’t dwell on it and try to move on by doing lots fun things. If you can’t do that read pretty of books anything to get your mind of him. Good luck

    • ROSE i can assure you that he is struggling with the same feelings. He might have been going through a time or situation personally that kept him from taking things to the next level and was ashamed of himself for not giving you the life you deserve. I can tell you from personal experience i messed up bad with a long term relationship and it became undone this past year. I had personal issues that i was embarrassed of and while i was working on them (alone instead of as a team) i left her hanging, broke so many promises and let her down again and again. it makes me sick thinking about the opportunities i had that are now lost.
      Anyway, i dream about her everynight and although we stay in minimal contact(hi, how are you, good night) the connection is gone and I would do anything to have one more chance and let her know how sorry i am but at this time i feel she is better off without me. how do you both get past that and build a new relationship from scratch?? please tell me i cant sleep more than 3 hours without waking up and I have almost nightly dreams about her moving on. I have to sit there and listen about her new man,,, and I wake up sick most mornings. Good luck to you and i bet if you reached out he would not think it is needy. what is the worse that can happen at this point, just say how you feel and you will feel better immediately .

  14. Kylie Lamantia on

    My ex was extremely abusive towards me. But the first few months of our relationship was actually amazing. We were best friends. He just changed. Then he started doing bad stuff and I would always get panic attacks and cry because I worried. He called me names. We fought every day. He’s literally the biggest douche now and I strongly dislike him. I attempted suicide because of him. I always think about him and we broke up months ago. I don’t like him yet he keeps showing up in my dreams. Last night I had a dream where we all went back to school. (Im a freshman) and he had been super depressed because he lost all his friends. He got really chubby and grew his hair super long and never really spoke. Well one day in class he came in and through stuff at me. I wanted to talk to him. When I grabbed his shoulder to turn him around he was crying. He hugged me and said “can you just forgive me already?” Even though he doesn’t deserve forgiveness should I message him and apologize and see if I can get any closure? (we both sorta despise each other that’s why I’m concerned.)

  15. Calidreaming510 on

    I still dream about my ex/baby mother but I dream about her almost everyday even when I don’t even think or talk to her the whole day .. it’s like I relived everything that happened between her and I but everything just happens quicker in my dream ..after everything happened and I’m just wondering around trying to find her so I can see my son

  16. Im always dreaming of my ex husband that he always saying that he loves me, he also made a big mistake of leaving me. He said he missed me. And were both crying. I know i still have thay hope to be together again. Because i know my feelings for him is still there. And especially when we see each other and talked with each other. We have child. Sometimes his attitudes confuses me , sometimes by just looking and talking to me i can say he still also have feelings for me. But i dont like to get disapppointed because i know its impossible. Only the dream. It shows how he still love me. Hes crying there and saying how much he love me. And still loving. Im really confuse.

  17. I dreamed my ex fiancee
    And yes I do have all the signs is there still do love him I do stalk him and he’s been contacted me and trying he’s best for the between of us to be together
    But I’m in new relationship which is my new nd is looking better than my ex the attitude how he treated me is completely different from my ex
    But because that ex is meant the world to me and my ex was the one whoninlove that much is kinda hard to forgot him
    But I try.my best to control my heart my emotions for my ex because I know I will hurt.my new bf if I do go back with ex as well I’m scared already that he might broke up my heart again
    As well he is very inconsistent like a shinking ship

  18. I dreamt of an ex, broke up nearly 10 years ago, kept in contact for years after that and I shut him out about 4 years ago on good terms. I dreamt he was surrounded by children, nieces and nephews, no children of his own and I gave him a hug. His life didn’t look too good or happy and then that part of my dream ended.

    I randomly said hello on Facebook because I felt he needed a pick me up….. Turns out he did. He’s still living at home, has health problems so he’s reliant on government benefits and has little goals or aspirations. Has dated 2 women since me, the last ending with her coming out as being gay.

  19. I have recently been dreaming of my ex husband and its frustrating me because I really don’t want to. That whole ending was such a traumatic event that it beggars belief my dreams even go there.

    Some of them are evident that I never got the closure I needed, but I long ago reconciled I was never going to get it from him. I also have accepted I still have very powerful feelings for this person still, but I am fully aware they don’t and we will never be together.

    I just want the dreams to stop. Its cruel to wake up crying because they gave you a hug in a dream when you haven’t even so much as looked at a picture of them on social media or spoke to them in 5 years.

    • Alone in my dream on

      I totally understand you I had the same dream but she is married while we were together and that is why I am not with her I knew she would never get divorce and I broke the relationship.Now it hunts me in my dreams. I’m happily married with a son I moved on but the dream keep calling her,I hate that!

    • Alone in my dream on

      I totally understand you I had the same dream but she was married while we were together and that is why I am not with her I knew she would never get divorce so I broke the relationship and I moved on.Now it hunts me in my dreams. I’m happily married I moved on but my dreams keep calling her,I hate that!

  20. I have dreaming about my ex husband several times lately.. and its all the same situation.. his sad and lonely.. and he wants to talk to me .. he always say that he is tired in his new wife .. and want me to comfort him.. like a child looking for some1 who can understand and accept him .. we have 2 children and been separated for 9yrs.. we don’t even talk to each other for years.. I am wondering what was my dream about.. please give me meaning about this matter..

  21. I had a dream about this guy that I was dating back in my sophomore year of high school (he was a senior). I was really foolish and naive back then. I let him in easily before he broke up with me a month later. After the break up, I found out he had been with another girl. He cheated on me before dumping me. I got depressed about it for a while, but it’s been well over 2 or 3 years now and I’m over him. But he still pops back into my mind from time to time and I very recently had a dream about him. He and I made out a lot in our relationship, so it was not a surprise to dream of us making out. This article explains a lot, though. I guess I’m just not fully over him.

    • Hello. I don’t think You had any real closure. Did you talk to him about cheating? Did you let him know how bad he hurt you?

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